“优质”离“真实”有多远

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1、“优能中学杯”征文大赛获奖作文选登及点评（1）　　本刊2015年7月号在创刊十周年之际发起的主题为“我和英语有个故事”的全国中学生英语征文大赛现已圆满落幕！从本期开始，我们将陆续刊登部分获奖作文及北京新东方学校优能中学老师的相应精彩点评，以飨大家。本期先来分享此次征文大赛一等奖的获奖文章。　　DearEnglish　　DearEnglish：　　Thefoghungovertheforestandcracksofsunlightfilteredthroughtheleaves.Yourfigur

2、eloomedupoutofthemist，sobeautifulbutalsountouchable.Maybeyoucan'tbelieveit，butit'sactuallythefirstimpressionyouleftonme.　　Likemanystudents，lusedyoujustasatooltogethighmarks.Ispentdayandnightrecitingthenotesandthewordsonthetextbooks.Thisdullandrepetit

3、iveworkreallydestroyedthefirstimpression.Forme，youwerejustanannoyingsubject.　　Untiloneday，ImetTEENS.Thoughtheoriginalpurposewasalsofortheexams，butitdidletmeknowthattherewasacolorfulworldoutofmyownsmallworld，whichwasfullofmultiple-choicequestions.Ther

4、eImetyouagain，andyousmiledatdawn，stillinnocentandbeautifulasfirstsight，butnotuntouchable.You4whisperedinmyears，"I'vebeenwaitingforyouforages."　　Thenwespentthewholeafternooninmyroomputtingonheadphones，singingoutoftuneloudly.AndIalwaysrecallthedayswhen

5、wewatchedmovies，withourmouthsfulloffood.YoualsobroughtmetoJaneEyre'sworld.Therewesympathizedwithherchildhood，feltexcitedwhenshemetMr.Rochesterandlistenedtoheroathofardor，deeplyaffected.　　Ittakesussevenyearsfromstrangetofamiliar，fromhatingtoappreciati

6、ng，fromspeakingfewwordstotalkingalot.Inthisletter，pluckingupallmycourage，IpromiseyouI'llloveyouforever，alwayswithasincereheart，nevercheatyou，forgetyouorhurtyou.Willyoubemylover，alwaysstandbymyside，trustme，encourageme，comfortmeandneverabandonme？　　Ther

7、earestillmanythingsIwanttoexperiencewithyou，likebeingavolunteerat2022OlympicWinterGames，takingyoutosomeremotevillagestointroduceyoutothechildrenthere.Thenwewillgetolderandolder.Maybeoneday，wewillnodbythefire，dreamofthesoftlookandreviveouryouth.　　Sinc

8、erelyYours，　　GuoXiaolei　　开篇第一句别具匠心，在and所连接的两个并列句中，hangover（挂在……之上；悬浮在……之上）和filter4（透过；渗入）使用得十分恰当，形象地描绘出了一幅朦胧而美丽的画面（森林被迷雾所笼罩，阳光从树叶之间透了过来），吸引读者继续往下读。不过，用crack（裂缝，裂口；噼啪声，爆裂声）一词来修饰sunlight不太妥当，建议删去cracksof或将其替换为beamsof。　　该句用词十分精妙，loom（up）表示“隐约地出现；赫然耸现”，后