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1、101TheOneWhereMonicaGetsaNewRoommate101TheOneWhereMonicaGetsaNewRoommate(ThePilot-TheUncutVersion)[Scene:CentralPerk,Chandler,Joey,Phoebe,andMonicaarethere.]Monica:There'snothingtotell!He'sjustsomeguyIworkwith!Joey:Comeon,you'regoingoutwiththeguy!There'sgottabesomethingwrongwithhim!Cha
2、ndler:AllrightJoey,benice. Sodoeshehaveahump?Ahumpandahairpiece?Phoebe:Wait,doesheeatchalk?(Theyallstare,bemused.)Phoebe:Just,'cause,Idon'twanthertogothroughwhatIwentthroughwithCarl-oh!Monica:Okay,everybodyrelax.Thisisnotevenadate.It'sjusttwopeoplegoingouttodinnerand-nothavingsex.Chand
3、ler:Soundslikeadatetome.[TimeLapse]Chandler:Alright,soI'mbackinhighschool,I'mstandinginthemiddleofthecafeteria,andIrealizeIamtotallynaked.All:Oh,yeah.Hadthatdream.Chandler:ThenIlookdown,andIrealizethere'saphone...there.Joey:Insteadof...?Chandler:That'sright.Joey:Neverhadthatdream.Phoeb
4、e:No.Chandler:Allofasudden,thephonestartstoring.NowIdon'tknowwhattodo,everybodystartslookingatme.Monica:Andtheyweren'tlookingatyoubefore?!Chandler:Finally,IfigureI'dbetteranswerit,anditturnsoutit'smymother,whichisvery-veryweird,because-shenevercallsme![TimeLapse,Rosshasentered.]Ross:(m
5、ortified)Hi.Joey:Thisguysayshello,Iwannakillmyself.Monica:Areyouokay,sweetie?Ross:Ijustfeellikesomeonereacheddownmythroat,grabbedmysmallintestine,pulleditoutofmymouthandtieditaroundmyneck...Chandler:Cookie?Monica:(explainingtotheothers)Carolmovedherstuffouttoday.Joey:Ohh.Monica:(toRoss
6、)Letmegetyousomecoffee.Ross:Thanks.101试播没什么好说的！他不过是我的同事！少来了，你和那个人一起出去！拜托，和你交往的男人一定有问题！打住，乔伊，嘴下留德。他驼背？既驼背又带假发？慢着，他吃粉笔吗？我只是不想你重蹈我和卡尔的覆辙。各位别急，这不算约会。我们不过是出去吃晚餐，而且不做爱。听起来好像是说我的约会。记得中学时代的梦，我站在自助餐厅，突然发现自己全身赤裸。我做过那样的梦。我低头一看，看见有一支电话……在那儿。而不是……？没错。我没做过那样的梦,没有。那支电话突然响起，而我不知道怎么办，每个人都开始望着我。他们以前不看你吗
7、？！终于，我认为我应该接，结果是我妈打来，我感到很奇怪，因为我妈不曾打过电话给我！嗨。这家伙向我打招呼时我就想自杀。你还好吧？我感觉有人把手伸入我的喉咙，抓起我的肠子，从我的口中取出，然后绑在我脖上……饼干？卡罗今天把她的东西搬走了。-我帮你泡杯咖啡，谢了。不要……别清理我的灵气。可是……225Phoebe:Ooh!Oh!(ShestartstopluckattheairjustinfrontofRoss.)Ross:No,nodon't!Stopcleansingmyaura!No,justleavemyauraalone,okay?Phoebe:Fine!
