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1、47474747WAKINGupbeginswithsayingamandnow.ThatwhichhasawokenthenliesforawhilestaringupattheceilinganddownintoitselfuntilithasrecognizedI,andtherefromdeducedIam,Iamnow.Herecomesnext,andisatleastnegativelyreassuring;becausehere,thismorning,iswhereithasexpectedtofinditself:what'scalledathome. Butno
2、wisn'tsimplynow.Nowisalsoacoldreminder:onewholedaylaterthanyesterday,oneyearlaterthanlastyear.Everynowislabeledwithitsdate,renderingallpastnowsobsolete,untillaterorsoonerperhapsno,notperhapsquitecertainly:itwillcome.Feartweaksthevagusnerve.Asickishshrinkingfromwhatwaits,somewhereoutthere,deadah
3、ead.Butmeanwhilethecortex,thatgrimdisciplinarian,hastakenitsplaceatthecentral47controlsandhasbeentestingthem,oneafteranother:thelegsstretch,thelowerbackisarched,thefingersclenchandrelax.Andnow,overtheentireintercommunicationsystem,isissuedthefirstgeneralorderoftheday:UP.Obedientlythebodyleversi
4、tselfoutofbedwincingfromtwingesinthearthriticthumbsandtheleftknee,mildlynauseatedbythepylorusinastateofspasmandshamblesnakedintothebathroom,whereitsbladderisemptiedanditisweighed:stillabitover150pounds,inspiteofallthattoilingatthegym!Thentothemirror.Whatitseesthereisn'tsomuchafaceastheexpressio
5、nofapredicament.Here'swhatithasdonetoitself,here'sthemessithassomehowmanagedtogetitselfintoduringitsfifty-eightyears;expressedintermsofadull,harassedstare,acoarsenednose,amouthdraggeddownbythecornersintoagrimaceasifatthesournessofitsowntoxins,cheekssaggingfromtheiranchorsof47muscle,athroathangi
6、nglimpintinywrinkledfolds.Theharassedlookisthatofadesperatelytiredswimmerorrunner;yetthereisnoquestionofstopping.Thecreaturewearewatchingwillstruggleonandonuntilitdrops.Notbecauseitisheroic.Itcanimaginenoalternative.Staringandstaringintothemirror,itseesmanyfaceswithinitsfacethefaceofthechild,th
7、eboy,theyoungman,thenot-so-youngmanallpresentstill,preservedlikefossilsonsuperimposedlayers,and,likefossils,dead.Theirmessagetothislivedyingcreatureis:Lookatuswehavediedwhatistheretobeafraidof?Itanswersthem:Butthathappenedsogradua
